Sunny n' Sides
by TF crossover fan
Summary: A parody of the movie Dumb and Dumber, Transformers style! Starring Sideswipe and Sunstreaker as Harry and Lloyd.
1. Urine Trouble

Sunny n' Sides

"Pull over," Sunstreaker said.

"What?" Sideswipe replied.

"I gotta pee, bad."

"Bro we can't pull over, we gotta return Arcee's briefcase as soon as possible."

"Just pull over!"

"No."

"I can't hold it! Quick! Pass me one of those empty energon bottles by your feet!"

Sideswipe reached down below the steering wheel and picked up one of several empty energon bottles. He passed it to Sunstreaker, who quickly took it and began lubricating in it.

"Ohhhh yeeeaaaaaahhhhh, such a relief."

"Feel better?"

"Yeah I… oh scrap."

"What's the matter?"

"I'm not stopping!"

"Huh?"

"Pass me another bottle, quick! This one's filling up!"

Sideswipe quickly handed Sunstreaker another bottle, who awkwardly took it and switched it out with the almost full first bottle. Sunstreaker put the first bottle on the ground and continued with the second bottle. Problem was, the second bottle was also almost full. The twins had to repeat this cycle many times, and after a while Sideswipe's driving started to become reckless. This caught the attention of Barricade, who was out on his daily patrol. Barricade turned on his siren and started chasing after the twins. Sideswipe groaned and pulled over. Fortunately, Sunstreaker had finally finished his endless tinkle, and put the final bottle on the car floor. There were ten bottles in total. Barricade stopped behind them, transformed, and walked up to Sideswipe's window.

Sideswipe put on a forced smile. "Afternoon officer. What's the matter?"

Barricade glared at him. "You've been driving a bit reckless in this…," he looked at Sideswipe's giant dog- van, "…Thing."

"Uh, oh, yeah. You see, me and my bro were at a party a few hours ago, and, uh, we were drinking but we're sober now!"

"You're driving didn't look "sober" to me."

"Oh, yeah, well-"

"What's that?"

"Huh?"

Barricade was pointing to the bottles filled with Sunstreaker's energon urine.

"Oh that's just some, uh, booze we brought along."

Barricade eyed the bottles with greed. "Give me one," he said.

"Officer, I-"

"I said give me one!"

'Slagging cops', Sideswipe thought to himself. He looked to Sunstreaker for an opinion, but was surprised to see a calm grin on his brother's face.

"Here sir," Sunstreaker said as he handed a bottle to Barricade, "One energon beer, just as you asked."

Barricade snatched the bottle from Sunstreaker's hand, not bothering to say thank you.

Sideswipe said, "Officer I don't think you should-"

"You'll shut your mouth if you know what's good for you!" Barricade threatingly yelled to Sideswipe. Smirking, Barricade took a large gulp from the bottle. After he swallowed, Barricade stopped. His eyes began twitching, his head began irking, and a gagging sound emitted from his mouth.

"Sir, are you okay?" Sideswipe asked.

Barricade began painfully coughing up Sunstreaker's whiz, bending over as he did so. As Barricade got down on all fours on the road, Sideswipe began driving away, slowly at first, then sped up.

Sideswipe looked at his rear view mirror. Barricade was far behind now, still vomiting. Sideswipe couldn't believe they had actually gotten out of that mess. Sunstreaker was snickering with much delight next to him.

'Oh Primus this trip had better be worth it,' Sideswipe thought.


	2. Manly Mech Love

Sunstreaker stood in the bathroom stall of a gas station relieving himself. Sideswipe was outside filling up the van. Bored, Sunstreaker noticed graffiti writing on the wall in front of him. He read one of the short messages out loud to himself.

"Why are you… looking up here… the joke's in your hand," Sunstreaker looked down, "Ha ha! Heh, heh."

That put Sunstreaker in a good mood. Smiling, he read another message.

_FOR MANLY MECH LOVE BE HERE MARCH 25__th__ AT 2:15 AM __SHARP_.

That gave Sunstreaker a pause. Then, a thought passed through his mind. 'Wait, but isn't today…' Sunstreaker looked at his digital watch.

March 25 2:14 AM

*_click_*

March 25 2:15 AM

Sunstreaker heard the bathroom door open and close. Panicking, he closed his lubrication port, locked the stall door and climbed up onto the top of the toilet. Two large feet appeared beneath the door. Whoever they belonged to tried to open the locked door. They tried again but with more force, trying to loosen the lock. Then they stopped. After a few seconds of silence Sunstreaker gave a quiet sigh of relief.

Then suddenly the door bust open revealing a large figure. The figure had grey armor, a fusion cannon on their right arm, and wore a bucket- like helmet. It was Megatron.

Sunstreaker screamed at this double scare. "AAAH! AAH!"

A grin uncurled across Megatron's face. "Oh Primus, how great is this?"

Both bots were remembering their encounter at the diner.

"If it 'aint my old pal? And right on time…"

Sunstreaker tried to make a quick climb over the stall but Megatron grabbed him and slammed him against the wall. "Where do you think YOU'RE going _Autobot_?"

"Wh- what are you gonna do?" Sunstreaker asked in fear.

"First I'm going to RAPE you, then I'm going to KILL you! Any last requests?"

"Yeah. Could you do it the other way around?"

Megatron pushed Sunstreaker into the stall corner, put his hand on top of his head, and began forcing him down to the ground so his head was at the same height as his waist.

"Find a happy place… find a happy place… find a happy place!" Was all Sunstreaker managed to say.

"I'll show you a happy place," Megatron said as he pressed various hidden buttons on his crotch.

Neither bot heard the door open, nor the sound of a bot frantically hopping around.

Megatron briefly grasped the leopard spotted thong on his waist. "Here's your happy place!"

Suddenly the stall door burst open behind Megatron. The door hit Megatron and forced him to collide with the wall, knocking him unconscious. Sideswipe quickly forced his foot that was on fire into the toilet, dousing the flames. Sideswipe began gasping in relief.

It took him a moment to notice Sunstreaker sitting curled up in the corner sucking his thumb, and the pair of legs that was beneath him. Sideswipe looked behind the door to find Megatron sitting unconscious wearing a thong.

Sideswipe looked at Sunstreaker. "You've got some serious explaining to do young mech."


	3. He's Got a Gun!

Two Auto Troopers brought Starscream and Slipstream down the stairs in stasis cuffs, and drove them off to the local jail. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker couldn't but help feel very proud now that the whole suitcase ordeal was done and taken care of.

At the moment they were looking at Arcee, who was just a few yards away talking to Prowl. "She sure is something," Sideswipe said, "Totally worth the trip."

"Yeah," Sunstreaker replied, "I'm sure glad we were able to help her out."

Five seconds later a shuttle transport landed down behind Arcee and Prowl. An Auto Trooper and a green bot exited the craft. Arcee turned around and a look of delight appeared on her face.

"Springer! You're okay!" Arcee cried out as she gave Springer an affectionate hug.

"Woah easy! Easy," Springer replied.

"Oh I'm sorry."

"Ah it's okay I'm just a little sore."

"Oh it's so good to have you back…"

"I missed you honey."

"Springer, there's someone I want to introduce you to. He's the _**kindest**_, _**gentlest**_ bot I've ever met! Will you meet him?"

"Alright, sure."

Suddenly, out of the blue, Prowl yelled out: "He's got a gun!"

Sunstreaker had whipped out his blaster and was firing shots into Springer's chassis. Sideswipe, Arcee, Prowl, and the Auto Troopers looked on in shock and horror as Sunstreaker continued to blast away whole chunks and pieces of Springer's body, energon spewing out everywhere.

Sunstreaker said only one word during the whole event. "**_DIIIEEEEE!_**"

Then Arcee began speaking. "Sunstreaker? Sunstreaker!"

Sunstreaker snapped back into reality. "Huh?"

"I said this is my husband, Springer," Arcee said.

"Oh! Hi Springer." Sunstreaker held out his hand.

"Hi." Springer replied as he shook Sunstreaker's hand.

"I'm so… _happy for you_."

"Thank you."

**Epilogue**

Well, things didn't turn out too great for Sideswipe and Sunstreaker afterwards. After Arcee, Springer, and the others left, the twins began making their long walk home back across the country. It was about at the one- third point, in the desert, that a bus of impossibly sexy Cybertronian fembots pulled up. They explained that they were on a country- wide bikini modeling tour show, and that they needed two bots to oil them up before each show. Sideswipe pointed them to the nearest town. However, just as the bus began driving off, Sunstreaker scolded Sideswipe for what he just did, and dashed after the bus. When he finally caught up, Sunstreaker explained that the town was in the _opposite _direction.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker continued their walk home afterwards.

**The End**


End file.
